Only Beautiful People Need Apply

In spring of 2006, having completed my Therapeutic Swedish Massage course at Lourdes, I started my student clinic hours at the Lourdes facility on Collingswood, and also started offering my friends and acquaintances free massages so that I could get more practice and experience different body types as well as people with different specific complaints.

At the same time my instructor encouraged us to work on as many friends as possible, and in fact, we had many homework assignments that consisted of giving friends massages. When I would mention to someone that I was studying massage, more often than not he or she would say: “Well if you ever need a guinea pig….”

So, I had no problem finding people to work on, right? Well… not always. When the time came to actually schedule people, I started to hear “Well, I really do want you to work on me but I need to get to the gym first”. “I would love to but no way am I gonna let you see my fat thighs”. One of my friends is battling cancer and mentioned a number of times how he wanted me to work on him sometime, but I sensed reluctance whenever I replied “Ok, when?” One day he acknowledged that his cancer, as well as other health problems, had caused muscle atrophy in both legs as well as large tumors on his right leg, and that he was very embarrassed for anyone to see this. Medically, he was cleared for massage, and was in-between chemotherapy treatments. Massage would clearly be beneficial in releasing the toxins that had built up in his muscles due to ongoing chemo, not to mention relieving the enormous amount of stress he was under. Despite all this, his shame over his body stood in the way of him availing himself to a very pleasant and healthful experience. (I’m happy to say he overcame that fear and I will discuss my first experience of giving a massage to someone battling a life threatening illness in a future essay).

Then I started to have a friend work on a promotional brochure for me and he began to look for images of people getting massages. When he showed me a rough draft of the brochure, I complained that every picture he used was of a young beautiful model. In response, he said he was having trouble finding any images of overweight, or older people getting massaged. I started looking and had the same experience.

Let me say that only about 5% of the people I have worked on look anything like models. Being middle-aged myself, I seem to attract older clients, and most of the men and women I work on have bellies, and body parts that jiggle and sag! I have had clients who weigh as much as 300 pounds, as well as one client who weighed less than100 pounds. However, these people have sought out massage DESPITE the implied message that much of the massage world has been giving them. Which is: massage is for the young and beautiful only. Fat people need not apply.

Many of us hate our bodies. We notice them only when they rebel, and cause pain or discomfort. We don’t notice them or appreciate them when they are working properly, (even when we have been abusing or neglecting them). In addition, the older we get the more we benefit from massage. Those of us who are inactive need stretching and movement, not to mention the improved circulation that comes with massage.

Yet we don’t avail ourselves of something that is not only beneficial, but extremely enjoyable. I believe it is because our desire for health and comfort is outweighed (excuse the pun) by our fear of being judged. So it does boil down to being a trust issue.

I’ll talk about trust in a future essay. It is a central issue when working with clients. There are many things a therapist can due to foster trust, but for those clients who struggle with self-acceptance, it sometimes requires a leap of faith and a bit of risk taking.

Your comments or questions are most welcome!